Sleepy, just uploaded a bunch of pics on fb from the past week or so… Almost got caught up believing maybe the cap is not as shady anymore, but I know that’s just fantasy jumbalaya. I wonder if he will always be… Whatever it is that he is. Liz is the only chick I’ve ever seen him act like he actually cares when he talks about her, and she’s been around for a while now… But he still screws her over too - I guess some people just don’t want to be saved. Our relationship is so strange, but the only way it can be without me getting attached and hurt again… He’s just fun… Another boy who doesn’t mind hanging out, or hooking up, but just doesn’t want to date me. Lol must be something everyone else knows that I don’t, I’m the kinda girl you get over your ex with? Or cheat on your current gf with? Not sure what it is about me that makes that situation arise in my life time and time again… All I can do is take a deep breath and hope things change soon :)

Gotta remember, keep movin forward, keep the chin up high, everything is gonna be okay :)

Past few days have been fun, heat game wed, nephews game Thursday, yardhouse and cheesecake adventures last night, then you ask what im doing tonight??? I hope it consists of my eyes being shut and laying in my bed. But It prob won’t lol

You attract those for one or another purpose of growth… I found out some interesting things recently- about myself and him. Somehow I wasn’t surprised, I always knew we were compatible, inexplicably and beyond belief, so easy to understand eachother like nothing I’ve ever known. Deeply connected as if we’re the same person. Which leads me to think about if I was in his situation why would I do some of these things… And my answer lies in a complicated time I went through where I was confused btw two people in my life and my feelings for those two. ’ I want to be over her, but I’m not. Please just be patient, just understand’ These are his words I’ve heard a few times now. I guess I know exactly the struggle he’s going through so if I want to be there eventually in his life the best thing to do is to pull away, but it’s possible the other night blew up past reconciliation… I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping since, in hopes the days pass faster, fast enough to where I don’t notice his absence. It works sometimes…

Letting someone go for circumstantial reasons can be so hard when you’re petrified they will find someone else in the meantime….

im not the slightest bit religious in the conventional sense, but this represents something other than “jesus” to me… i get goosebumps and i start to cry every time i hear this song.